Choking on the Truth
by Effervescence
Summary: A different twist to the Lily/James story. *Before* they get together, James hurts Lily. And she finds comfort in someone unexpected...L/N femslash.
1. Choking On the Truth

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Choking On the Truth 

By Effervescent Shine

Warning: The pairing for this fic is L/N. That's right, Lily and Narcissa. Which means that it's SLASH, a female/female pairing…and you shouldn't read it if it's going to make you all annoyed. Okay, well, it's not slashy _yet_, but it will be, I promise. 

Disclaimer: Everybody belongs to JK, and not me. And the title comes from the song by Bif Naked. I've included some lyrics at the bottom for your enjoyment, and they belong to her. 

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"I hate boys! They suck! _He_ sucks!" I was ranting. I was ranting _loudly,_ and I didn't even care that I was doing it publicly and that I had scared away some little Ravenclaws and that I probably looked really crazy.

"Really? And _who_ exactly does he suck?" A smooth voice broke through my fuming, and I turned to look at the person behind this odd question. She was leaning up against a wall, if you could consider a stance that graceful leaning. She was smirking, and one delicate eyebrow was raised under pale hair. 

"Excuse me?" Due to my mood, that came out a lot more rudely than necessary, but the girl seemed unaffected. She drifted towards me and said calmly, "Oh, nothing. Just having my own problems with boys, that's all." I could totally sympathize, even though she didn't seem very upset at all. 

"I know." I nodded. "They're so infuriating. They make me sick!" Before breaking into another rant, I stopped and considered this girl before me. "I've never seen you before, are you new here?" 

"Here?" She looked doubtfully at the stone walls of the hallways surrounding us. "Oh, no. I go to Beauxbatons, I'm just visiting. My name is Narcissa."

Oh, Beauxbatons. So that explained why she was so _different_. I look at her waves of perfect pale hair and self-consciously run my hand though my own. "I'm Lily."

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She was looking at me almost shyly, despite the outgoing way she had carried on minutes ago. She nervously played with her red hair –color I wish I had- and I searched for something to say to make her more relaxed. "So, tell me about this boy, this one who's causing you to wage a verbal war on the entire male gender." 

She frowned. "Oh, I don't know if I want to talk about it." But she followed me over to the side of the hallway, where a bench was nestled into an alcove for us to sit on. 

"No, you should." I encouraged her. "It'll make you feel better." Besides, I was bored, and her storming through the hallway like some sort of crusader was the best thing that had happened all day. 

"Maybe you're right. Okay." She took a deep breath, and I realized that it was to calm herself down. Again. Nice temper. "His name is James, and I like him. I mean I _really_ like him. And I thought that he liked me too. I thought that we were dating. But lately, he's never around. And he has really bad excuses for where he goes. And then _sometimes_, when we're together, in the halls and stuff, he just seems so cautious. Like he's worried somebody will see us, or something." She looked so downcast, her green eyes filling with tears. I wanted to say something comforting, but subtlety had never been one of my strong points, so I ended up being truthful. "Well, it sounds like he's cheating on you. Or at least thinking about it. Have you seen him with any other girls?" Whoops. More tears. Well, it wasn't my fault. But I inwardly cringed anyway, and tried to make it better. "Hey, it's like you said, guys suck." This got me a sniffle in response, and a pause as Lily collected herself. After a few minutes, she looked up at me. "So, tell me about _your_ guy trouble."

I laughed. "Oh, it's not _trouble_ exactly. Actually, the whole thing is rather amusing. See, my parents told me about some friends of theirs, who have a son. They're a rich family, and my mother thought it'd be nice for me – and for the family name – if I married someone like that, so I came over here. To meet him, see what I thought, get him interested. Whatever. But when I finally tracked him down and watched him for a while, I noticed him with another guy." I rolled my eyes as I remembered. And then I noticed Lily looking at me blankly. 

"So?" she asked. She didn't get it, that's so cute…hm, I hoped I wasn't going to have to explain what sex was. "I mean _with_ another guy." I emphasized, hoping she'd catch on. The look on her face told me she did. "Oh…alright then." She muttered quietly. 

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Oh. I was blushing so hard I was sure my face matched my hair, and I hoped that she didn't notice. She must've thought I was so naïve, but I honestly wasn't used to this kind of thing. And she had said it so casually! I realized that she was talking again, and forced my thoughts back onto the conversation.

"…my mother would just tell me to lay on the charm and make him forget that he was ever anything but straight, but I don't really know. I'm sure I could find some other guy that would make everybody just as happy…" she trailed off, lost in thought, which unfortunately left me to mine. Okay, fine. I _had_ to ask. If she laughed at me I'd just leave, right?

"Narcissa? Guys, two guys, from Hogwarts, _gay?_" She smirked again, and nodded. "Who?"

"Well, the one I was looking for is named Lucius. Lucius Malfoy." Oh. Slytherin, right? That quiet one who's always in the library. Okay then. "And the guy he was with, I don't know his name. But he was our age, and he was actually kind of attractive. He had dark, dark hair, and it was all messy, and…" I think she kept talking but at this point I wasn't sure. My eyes grew wide and I started breathing deeply. James. Oh, god. I thought that the idea of him with another _girl_ was unbearable, but this? Oh god, I was going to cry some more. I couldn't…but, he. Oh, god. I muttered something to Narcissa, who was looking concerned, and ran out of the hallway. 

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I am honesty, and this is hard

You were everything I ever want

Your memory is sweet candy

The flavor's fading away…

I'm choking on the truth


	2. Hold On

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Hold On

By Effervescent Shine

Disclaimer: JK owns the characters, and Bif Naked owns the song lyrics at the bottom.

Warning: Slash. Lily/Narcissa pairing…yes, I know I said that in the last chapter, but this time I really mean it. Yeah. 

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Nope, no, hm…cute, no, ah – there! My eyes lit up as I spotted a familiar head of red hair through the mass of students. I waved my hand, and almost smacked some guy in the face, but she didn't notice me. Damn crowded halls in between classes. I pushed my way between people and managed to catch up to her without getting my toes stepped on. The tired expression on her face and her red eyes told me why I hadn't seen her in the past few days. "Lily? There you are! I've been looking all over for you; in the Great Hall, in classrooms, in the boys Quidditch change room…" She didn't laugh at my attempt at humor, she merely looked at me and replied dully. "I've been in my room."

"Are you alright?" I asked, trying again. But she shook her head, and started to walk away. "I have to go to class now." Fine, so she was still upset. I wasn't sure why I cared so much, but I did. So as a last attempt, I called after her, "Look, if you want someone to talk to, I'm here." She hesitated, and turned around slowly. "I have class," she said once more, softly, unconvincingly. Before she got swept away by the crowd, I reached out and took her hand and led her off down the corridor. Somewhere we could talk… library was too quiet, the hallway wasn't private enough. I finally settled on a narrow staircase leading off of a quiet hallway. I looked at her sitting next to me, eyes downcast, chin in her hands. I said the only thing I could think of; "So, how have you been doing?"

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Her simple question reminded me of everything that I wanted to forget right then, so even though I tried to stop myself, I started crying again. Through my tears I managed, "Not good. _Obviously." _She flinched at my tone and looked sorry, which only made me feel worse. I started crying harder, and let my face fall into my hands. I heard her shift beside me and I assumed she was going to leave – only to be surprised when I felt her slide up beside me and wrap her arm around my shoulders. I leaned against her awkwardly and took deep, shaky breaths. As I calmed myself down, she asked quietly, "Have you talked to him?" I shook my head, feeling my hair brush against her arm. "No. I wanted to, but I didn't know what to say. I don't think I want to talk to him again." I closed my eyes as I remembered how I had met his friends that afternoon, screamed at them in a fit of…what? Rage? Grief? Hysteria, most likely. Narcissa smoothed the hair off my forehead and said, "Don't worry, we can find you another guy. I've been noticing some cute ones…" I scowled and jerked myself away from her roughly, angry at her for ruining the mood. "I don't _want_ another guy!" I cried.

"Oh. What _do_ you want, then?" Narcissa looked ruffled and slightly annoyed, like a cat who's fur you've rubbed the wrong way. Yeah, what do I want? I looked down at my hands and considered the warmth that had been spreading through me, as a result of her body pressed against mine. It was quickly fading after I had abruptly left her. I wanted that warmth. I wanted someone to take care of me. "I…I want to feel something other than so…numb." I said, hoping she'd understand what I meant. I wasn't sure if I could explain it any better. 

"But not with a guy?" she asked, clarifying.

"No." No, not with a guy, I wanted comfort, gentleness. I didn't know what I wanted! She started to say something but then stopped, considering. And suddenly, as I watched her bite on her lip, lost in thought and crinkle her forehead up cutely, I realized what exactly it was that I wanted. So, before my brain had time to process that realization, or my nerves had time to tell me it was a bad, bad plan, I slid myself back next to her, bent my head in, and kissed her. 

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Baby, I'm tired. Life isn't fair

You are the only one

Who will always be there

Hold on to me

Say you'll never leave me

Tell me anything you want

Hold on…


	3. Anything

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Anything

By Effervescent Shine

Disclaimer: JK owns some stuff, Bif Naked owns some stuff, I own no stuff. Wow, that's sad. 

Warning: Hey! This is **slush!** You know, it's like slash, only not, because it's female/female, so it's different. So it's slush! Okay, fine…just leave me to my little world then.

And in other news: Go and read the companion to this story, the Lucius/James side of things. It's by my friend, and it's at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=582313 

Go check it out!

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Her lips were so soft. I could feel her hands on my shoulders and I leaned farther into the kiss. This was _so_ much gentler than kissing James…woah. It Suddenly occurred to me that I was kissing Narcissa. _A girl._ I pulled back from the kiss and looked at her. She didn't _look _freaked out…I wondered if I looked freaked out. But the weird thing was, I wasn't. Yes, I knew that I liked guys, but at that moment, guys weren't what I wanted. At all. And it seemed that Narcissa, soft and beautiful and definitely _not_ a guy, was _exactly_ what I wanted. The noise of Narcissa clearing her throat snapped me out of my thoughts. She was looking at me with an amused expression. I looked back and grinned, and she raised one eyebrow gracefully, in a way that said, _well? Now what?_

So for lack of anything else to do, I leaned in and kissed her again. That time, she was the one who ended it. "Hey," she said softly. "This is nice, and all, but do you know anywhere else we could go?" She waved her hand at our surroundings. Oh. Right – staircase, very public, not the place to be making out. Got it. But, while going somewhere was a good plan…what are we going to do once we get there? I was definitely nervous, but I tried to ignore it. 

"Um, there's nobody in the bedrooms right now, they're all in class. We could go to mine…"

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She led me up to her room, where she stopped infront of her bed and dropped my hand. I watched her carefully, unsure of what to do next. Normally, in this kind of situation, I'd probably do something dramatic, like push her on to the bed, pull off her clothes and have my wicked way with her. Or maybe tear off _my_ clothes and jump on her. But this was Lily. She was sweet, and innocent, and she was looking at the bed right then with an almost fearful expression. So, she would probably have had a heart attack if I had done anything dramatic. I figured I had to come up with a different plan.

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I was standing at the foot of my bed, uncertainly wondering if there was something I was supposed to be doing, when Narcissa came and stood infront of me. She wrapped her arms around me, one hand playing with my hair. Grinning playfully, she placed a small kiss on the tip of my nose, then trailed kisses downwards, where she stopped at my neck. Inbetween little kisses and licks, she murmured in my ear, "Lily, is this alright? I'll stop anytime you want me to…"

I wanted to reply, but I didn't trust my brain-mouth connection to function properly, and I didn't want to say something stupid and ruin the moment. I managed to nod and she reached her hands up to unbutton my robe and pull me with her back towards the bed. 

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"No, seriously! Don't laugh at me…I love it, how it's all so _pale_…" I grinned at her, and thought to myself that it was entirely possible that I had never been happier. We were stretched out on Lily's bed, both naked, sunlight streaming in through the window, and Lily was trailing her fingers over my body, marveling at the paleness of my skin. And giggling at the goosebumps and shivers her light touch was leaving on my body. She mentioned something about wanting to kiss all of it, and my grin grew wider, but then I noticed the clock beside her bed. "Um, Lily," I asked, "what time does your class end? Or _all_ your classes, for that matter?"

She looked at the clock and groaned. "Oh wow…you mean we've been in here _all day?"_ Then her expression turned worried. "We have to get dressed! Get up!" She pulled me out of bed with her, and I frowned as my nice, little, warm naked Lily world was destroyed. We had just put our robes back on, when two girls entered the room, carrying books and laughing. They said hello to Lily, and she flushed a bright red as she answered, but they didn't ask her any questions, or pay any attention to me. After they left, she let out an obvious sigh of relief, and I grinned fondly at her embarrassment. 

She turned to me. "I should really go…talk to my friends, find out what I missed in my classes. Will I see you later?"

I agreed to meet her after supper, and she started to leave. As she was going out the door, she turned back to me, and said, "Hey, Narcissa? Today…was really nice. It helped me feel a whole lot better about the James situation. Thanks." She smiled warmly at me, and I smiled half-heartedly back at her. 

James. Right. I sighed as she left, because I had forgotten about James. James, the guy that Lily used to love, and probably still did. I walked out of the room, my good mood from the day gone. 

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I never wanted anything 

The way I wanted you - that night 

My love transcended space and time... 

I never wanted anything 

The way I wanted you - that night 

My love transcended space and time: 

My first...


End file.
